Log in

No account? Create an account

I am the Hell King

Sunday, April 8, 2007

12:34AM - Why has it been such a long time, since you've come back home....

Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted anything. Oh well.

So last night I discovered a part of the city I've never been to before, St. Mark's Place. Apparently it's very popular and I can't believe I've never been there before. So the long version is, I was watching Dark City the other night with a friend (and it's fucking fantastic, the Matrix done right, in my opinion) and at one point an Automat figures into the plot. Incase you're unfamiliar with what an automat is, it's a place a kind of short-order restaurant where the food is prepared and placed in these little cubbies, and you insert your coins into the wall and pull the food out. We both thought that was really cool and my friend (we shall call him "Sally") looked them up online and found that there was an automat called Bam on St. Mark's Place. We came to agreement that we must go to it immediately, or at least after Sally had taken care of some business. Well Sally was doing what he was doing, he called his father and told him about the plan. His father mentioned that there's a hot dog joint maybe a block away from Bam on St. Mark's called Crif Dogs that was really good. We decided to go there first to try it, get change for the automat (because all we had was twenties and we didn't want to end up walking around with fifteen dollars in quarters the rest of the night) and so Sally could try a Pap's Blue Ribbon beer.

We hopped the F train to East 2nd Ave., and an hour later we were standing in this little hole in the wall restaurant below street level that might have been ten feet wide and twenty feet long (if that). Crif's had great ambiance. Cartoon Network was one the tvs, on mute to allow for conversation, the walls had unusual actions figures (Freud, Battle Action Cheney, etc) still in the packaging on the walls, and fliers from local events. And on top of that, the food was cheap and amazing! For four dollars I got the Good Morning, which is their deep friend Crif dog, wrapped in bacon and served on a bun with cheese and a fried egg. My only complaint was that they used American Cheese instead of cheddar, which would have made it perfect. Sally and I had a pretty good time there and will almost certainly return.

After our first stop of the night, we made our way to Bam, and it was a little disappointing. It was very obviously trying to be different. The predominant color scheme was of blue and pink and they had kind of a stark selection, very small wall of food holes, or whatever the fuck they're called. However, their saving grace was the donuts they served, they were awesome, deep fried, sugar covered deliciousness. A good snack if one is ever in the area and doesn't care to live much longer (the heart attack and the diabetes are still fighting it out in my system, only one will rule).

At this point Sally and I were going to head back to the subway station when we noticed another little whole in the wall called Frite. Sally had heard of it before, it's a restaurant that only serves french-fries and gourmet dipping sauces. We stopped, we tried it and we enjoyed. The fries were of a very good quality and made fresh to order, however none of the dipping sauces looked all that appealing (they had stuff like Wasabi Mayo and Mexican Ketchup) so I just got vinegar. Decent, but only worth the trouble if you're already in the area. So, to summarize, I'm writing this because, with all that fried food, I can only imagine that this is my last night alive and I wanted someone else to know why. Also, quote of the night:

"Sally, if you die and I make it, is there any message you want me to give to your girlfriend?"

"Only that I died doing what I loved."

"Not her I see."

Damn, I'm so witty!

Thursday, October 26, 2006

1:38PM - Holy Shit!

I just signed up for a cell-phone plan. I signed with Verizon and I'm getting 450 anytime minutes, plus free night and weekends and all that jazz. It's going to be forty-dollars a month and I get a free Razor phone with the plan (man I hope they don't fuck up and give me the pink one). I'm kind of freaking out right now because I just signed a twenty-four month contract and I can't break it without a $175 fee and paying for the razor. This is wierd shit, man, I'm out of my death. Christina would say I'm joining the twenty-first century, but I liked the twentieth century, it was cozy there. What's wrong with computers that work off of punch cards, damnit!

I've been talking about it for a while now and my mom just sent me an e-mail with a link to this site that has all these special deals on phones and plans and I just dived right into it. I knew if I took any time to think about the decision I'd sike myself out and not do it.

But it's definetly a good thing. I'll be able to talk to my family and friends in California more often, I won't have to stay in my room waiting for my dad to call, and it will make it a hell of a lot easier to call for a ride to the airport. All-in-all I'm happy with the decision but I have this feeling of impending doom in my stomache because of it. I actually had to make a concerted effort to pull out my credit card and give them my info instead of just exiting the screen. Well, twentieth-century here I am, have your wicked, wicked way with me. Next thing you know I'll be shopping at The Gap and listening to the Backstreet Boys. Damnit, I can't even make a my typical crotchity old man style joke here because I've become one of "those damn kids!" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sunday, September 3, 2006


To my many, many (three) friends on Livejournal who NEEDS to contact me my phone number in my room is (718)674-0143. Also, you'll be surprised to learn that I'm seriously looking into getting a cell phone and my father is finding out how much it will be to add another phone to his plan. Ta!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

12:47PM - Woo, I have no life!

I'm back at school, though it has yet to start. This year I'm living in O'Connor on the fifth floor and it's great. My roommates have yet to proves themselves assholes (even though I don't even know their names yet) and I'm just next door to the suite that Scooter, Mike and Kurt are living in. Barbara's on the floor below me and Connie's somewhere in the building but I don't know where. I haven't had to see Tom or Pete yet, and I don't think I will all year. I think the only thing that could make the living situation better is if Christina was still on campus and if I woke up to a big, delicious chocolate cake every morning. GIVE ME CAKE, GIVE ME CAKE NOW! I will miss my family and friends back home, though. I hear my dad's been calling my mom non-stop since he dropped me off, he doesn't deal well with lonely. And it kind of sucks to think that I won't see Katy until next summer, unless she (unlikely this) decides to take another trip out to New York.

In other news, Kurt got Guitar Hero Sunday and that's all I've been doing since. That game is a-mazing! You play the guitar in time with the song and earn points, and the better you play the more monies you get, and the more monies you get, the more songs you can buy! I want to marry this game. Only complaint is I wish they had more punk. They have a song by the Ramones, a song by Bad Religion, and that's about it. They need more punk! If only I could express my love to the game...in a physical manner.

Next weekend I'm seeing Hartmann. We're going to catch up on all the movies I've missed over the summer: Pirates, Snakes on a Plane, Clerks II, Superman and Lady in the Water, and all for the price of a single mattine ticket. HAHAHAHAHA, I'm an evil genius! Also, I'm going to try find a real job this year, something with money involved, and quite possibly chocolate cake. Wish me luck.

-Squigimus Maximus

Current mood: geeky

Friday, August 18, 2006



Sunday, July 30, 2006

9:43PM - I'm alive, hurrah for me!

So I (read my father) paid my term bill for school yesterday and today I was finally able to find out who my professors are going to be, so that I may share it all with you:

Medieval Romance- Margaret Kim
Shakespeare: Elizabethan Plays- Steven Mentz
German II- Zoran Cerar (aka. The Man!)
Early Medieval History- The jury's still out
African Culture and African Diaspora- Konrad Tuchsherer
Honors Philosophy Metaphysics- Arthur Gianelli

I checked them all out on ratemyprofessor.com and pretty much the ruling on all of them was that they're good professors you can learn alot from if you're willing to. Of course I take everything on ratemyprofessor.com with a grain of salt. Never the less I'm feeling really good about this semester and I can't wait to get back to school. And I'm really looking forward to leaving the geriatric home behind. It will be a nice change of pace to be able to do something that isn't sitting on my ass and watching tv.

On a completely different note, I'm really, really horny. I want sex, right now damnit! One of the things I'm looking forward to at school is actual human interaction, with the possibility of copulation in some circumstances. One thing I plan on doing is getting more involved in community stuff. I alrady found the address of the GLBT Community Center in Manhattan and I hope to be able to do some vollunteer work there. The GLBT Group also sounds like they're getting organized for next semester and might actually do stuff. Maybe I can help out with that too. Of course all will be done with the hopes of getting sex, because that's just the kind of noble asshole I am. I hope this year doens't blow.

Saturday, July 29, 2006

10:23PM - Radiation doesn't do that, it just kills you

I guess tonight was movei night or something. Pops and I ended up watching two movies, the first of which was "The Hills Have Eyes." Damn, that was some quality, hyper-realistic violence. For anyone unaware of the story, it's about a two-generation family who goes on a camping trip in the New Mexican desert and are attacked by a bunch of hideous nuclear monsters who refused to leave their town when the army was testing nuclear weapons. And, because radiation=magic, now they're all insane, unspeakably evil, and gifted with superhuman strength and senses. Now I ain't no fancy doctor but I'm pretty sure radion dosn't do that, it just sort of kills you. I was explaining to my father that the way their fingers and toes are fused together from birth-defects are sort of the same way their organs would be fused together. Pretty funny movie. The scariest part was that alot of the hideous freaks were looked remarkably like alot of the people I see come into work. Perhaps that's why the Southerners are really so remarkably ugly, the entire region was nuclear powered until Sherman's march to the sea. One final thought on "The Hills Have Eyes," how the fuck does a nerdy, weak, whiny big-city Jew become Stalone incarnate and stand up to that much abuse?

The other movie Pops and I rented was "Date Movie." I was really looking forward to this. It has Allyson Hannigan in it, who played a major role in creating "American Pie," and it was advertised as doing to romantic comedies what "Scary Movie" did to horror flicks, and "Not Another Teen Movie" did to high school comedies. Sadly, it wasn't even close. They didn't even really make all that much fun of romantic comedies, they just reproduced alot of scenes from these comedies without poking much fun of them. I think I laughed once and I didn't even make it through the whole movie.

Now I'm watching Discovery Channel and I just saw a commercial where one guy was complaining to his friend about how stressed he is and his friend told him if his doctor has told him about the Rocketship. Apparently, whatever the Rocketship is it's a great cure for stress. Are cults using cable advertising now? Someday, I hope I'm a cult leader.

Friday, July 14, 2006

8:50PM - 6 Wonderfully Random Facts

List 6 things about yourself. Tag 6 people. No tagbacks.

1. I hate children, so bad.
2. Right now I'm going through a phase where I'm obsessed with Ireland.
3. I've always been fascinated with organized crime (and a little bit with regular crime).
4. I think lesbians are cute, like kittens, only kittens that have oral sex with each other (which really isn't that cute at all, just really disturbing).
5. I'm fucking crazy when I'm drunk.

I tag

Of course only Chairmanhartmann and Drdpirateshiny are ever on livejournal.


Sunday, May 28, 2006

6:32PM - Courtersy of Christina

I'd put this behind a cut but I'm both stupid and lazy.

Skinny and Cute
Raw score: 40% Big Breasts, 27% Big Ass, and 80% Cute!

Thanks for taking the T and A and C test! Based on your selections, the results are clear: you show an attraction to smaller breasts, smaller asses, and cuter composure than others who've taken the test.

Note that you scored low on both breast and ass size. This means you appreciate thinner, harder bodies. You are most likely to appreciate a super-model. Relatively, you are less attracted to round, soft, sloppy women.

My third variable, "cuteness" is a mostly objective measure of how innocent a given model looked. It's determined by a combination of a lot of factors: lack of dark eye makeup, facial expression, posture, etc. If you scored high on that variable, you are either really nice OR you're into deflowering teens. If you scored low, you are attracted to raunchier, sexier, women. In your case, your higher than average score suggests you appreciate a cuter, more innocent look. Kudos!

Recommended Celebrities: Jessica Alba, an absolute goddess, and Natalie Portman, if you can handle her acting.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 41% on tit-size
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 5% on ass-size
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 95% on cuteness
Link: The Tits, Ass, and Cuteness Test written by chicken_pot_pie on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test


The hero
You scored 65% masculine, 47% athletic, 45% exotic, and 31% refined!
You like your man to look like a man, not some little innocent boy. While he doesn't have to be bursting with muscles, he can be more toned and with that guy-next-door look to him. But you also like to see a bit of naughtiness to keep you on your toes. Someone like......Viggo Mortensen. But let's face it, the whole point of this was to look at a bunch of hot guys. If you liked what you saw, please rate my test!

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 74% on masculine
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 7% on athletic
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 56% on exotic
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 9% on refined
Link: The What type of MAN turns you on Test written by thinkandcome on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Current mood: calm

Monday, May 8, 2006

3:03PM - In This Order

This weekend consisted of...

More Beer
More Sex
More Hookah
and finally, Zombies

And good times were had by all.

Sunday, May 7, 2006


Excellent weekend, more details after I've had some sleep.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

3:18AM - Up Again

Class is in five hours and I can't get to sleep because once again my schedule (like Picard says it with an emphasis on the "ch" because he's bad ass like that) is fucked up. So I'm watching Brokeback Mountain becuase if there's any movie in my personal library that will put me to sleep, it's Brokeback. Which is kind of strange because you'd figure with my, let's call it "fascination," with cowboys, I'd find Brokeback a bit more stimulating. Strike that, I'd find my hand a bit more stimulating. Hasty change of subject. Screw whale sounds, I just need to get the soundtrack from Brokeback. Of course it would be the same two bars played over and over again for about two hours. Ahh, it's already lulling me to sleep. On a slightly related note, I found the link to Bareback Mountain (work friendly, only about two minutes) it's pretty funny and I give it three thumbs up, none of which are my own.


Took a quiz in Journalism today. I was up late last night studying for it, the reason why my schedule's off now. I think it paid off though. This was the first quiz in Journalism I was really confident about. I also turned in the extra credit. I was the only one in the class who had it done today, everyone else asked for an extension. It came out to nine pages analyzing the front pages of the New York Times and USA Today from the same day. I can get as much as ten percent added to my grade and I'm pretty confident I got at least seven out of ten, and probably an eight or a nine.

Monday, April 24, 2006


I was just crusing useless articles on Wikipedia when I finally found the term that best describes me: Dykediva or Dyketike. That is, a man (-diva implies a gay man) that prefers the company of gay and bisexual women. Isn't it amazing the things you learn when you're desperately trying to avoid studying?

Saturday, April 22, 2006

7:45PM - My Walking Parts!

Last night/this morning was the Relay For Life. It was pretty fun if only for the other people on the Honors Team. St. John did their typical speal they do at every event, which is really bad music plaid really loudly so no one notices how cheap they are. Asides from that, though, it was pretty alright. I walked for about ten hours, most of the time with Brian and Stephanie. By the time it was over my legs were so sore I could barely hobble back to the dorms. I got free muffins, though. Pretty damn good muffins.

In other news, I think I'm becoming addicted to Ebay. I won two new DVDs yesterday (one of them is Dagon, the best film adaptation of an HP Lovecraft movie EVER, yes, even better than Herbert West's The Reanimator, Katie). I also got Brokeback Mountain (which I always want to call Bareback Mountain). It's a pretty decent flick. The character Ennis is so broken.

Welp, I think I'm going to take a nap now.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006


I have seventy four cents in my bak account right now. Woo-hoo!

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

1:49AM - Books Survey

I got this survey courtesy of drdpirateshiny, it's pretty interesting.

A book that made you cry: can’t remember, Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neal Hurston almost made me cry

A book that scared you: The Lurker at the Threshold by H.P. Lovecraft

A book that made you laugh: Candide by Voltaire

A book that disgusted you: A Density of Souls by Christopher Rice, I don’t think he could have made it as ridiculously melodramatic if it were about gay vampires

A book you loved in elementary school: A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle

A book you loved in middle school: Hatchet by Gary Paulsen

A book you loved in high school: American Gods by Neil Gaiman

A book you hated in high school: The Mayor of Casterbridge by Thomas Hardy

A book you loved in college: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kessey

A book that challenged your identity: The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand

A series that you love: Any of the series by Bruce Coville

Your favorite horror book: Anything by Lovecraft, especially Shadows Over Innsmouth, but that’s a short story

Your favorite science fiction book: Watchmen by Alan Moore

Your favorite fantasy book: Tragedy of Tragedy, or the Life and Death of Tom Thumb the Great by Henry Fielding

Your favorite mystery book: Light Before Day by Christopher Rice, not nearly as full of suck as his first novel

Your favorite biography: Not really into biographies. I’m currently working my way through Gandhi: An Autobiography by, guess who, Gandhi! It seems pretty damn decent so far

Your favorite "coming-of-age" book: Haven’t read that many, probably the Aliens Ate my Homework series by Bruce Coville

Your favorite book(s) not on this list: Our Posthuman Future by Francis Fukuyama, Macbeth and Hamlet by Billy the Bard, Night by Elie Wiesel, Cyrano de Bergerac by Edmond Rostand, The Inferno by Dante Alighieri, Death in Venice by Thomas Mann and The Importance of Being Ernest by Oscar Wilde

Current mood: lazy

Monday, April 3, 2006

2:00AM - Welp

I just finished Thus Spake Zarathustra and, well, it was rough going. Definetly some interesting ideas but I felt like most of the book just flew right over my head. I'm going to have to revisit it at some time when I'm not as stupid. Damn, it took me over a month to read that fucking thing, but it was worth it. I still don't quite understand why Zarathustra danced so much. For a prophet of the Ubermensch he certainly could cut a rug.

Today I went on Craig's list for the first time ever. It certainly was an educational experience. Damn there are a lot of people there willing to offer money for sex or a date or for peeing on them.

Also, I've gotten into comic books as of late. I started reading the Ultimate X-Men series. It's very good. And it's interesting that the creators decided to make Colossus gay. What a stereotype shattering character, good for them. I've also been reading Sandman. I now have the first three books plus numbers six and seven. Neil Gaiman's an amazing writer. I saw his movie Mirrormask recently. The ending was a bit weak and there were some scenes in it that seemed sort of superflous and that if they had been removed then it would have been a smoother movie. I think a lot was lost to the editing room floor. But asides from that it was a great movie. Beautiful special effects.

Outside of the world of imagination not much has been happening recently. Room selection is next week. I got approved for a single next year and I'm going for a room in Century, the building that all my friends here live in.

Classes are going well except for Intro. to Journalism. I guess once I decided I was going to drop journalism and double major in history and english I sort of checked out of the class. That and it really is elementary stuff, most of which I learned from Mr. Wenrick (which is evidence of just how rudimentary it is). Still, I don't want it to drag down my GPA so I gotta make sure I get at least a B. As for next semester the classes should be more interesting. If all goes well I'll be taking Philosophy Metaphysics with Gianelli, the head of the philosophy department who I heard is a really great teacher who spends a lot of time on the problem of evil (and who won't just yell at me for bringing it up like that bastard Jesus did just because it was the night before his birthday, the prick!), African Diaspora and the Middle East (which will take care of my Non-Western History requirement if I can get a seat in The Middle East, which with my AP credits would mean I'm half-way through my history major already), Early Medieval History, German II and Medieval Romance. My back-up courses are Contemporary Drama if Metaphysics fills up, and Shakespeare: The Elizabethan Plays if Middle East fills up. If you couldn't tell I'm going kind of heavy on the Medieval and Early Rennaisance courses because I think I'm going to try to go for a Masters in Medieval History because, well, it's cool.

As for the sudden change in majors, well, I woke up one morning and thought to myself: "My major's far too useful, I don't want to have a job assured to me when a graduate," and the rest is history (or will be history four years from now).

That's about it. The next book I'm going to read is Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass, the Man and his Symbols by Jung. Yes, the inspiration to suddenly read Nietzche, Jung and Alice in Wonderland did come from Xenosaga and Neon Genesis Evangelion, yes I am a huge nerd who no one will ever love and who will probably die alone in a wooden shack that smells distinctly of rotting meat somewhere in the forests of Maine. Please respect my lifestyle choice.

Speaking of love (physical, emotional, whatever), Hartmann's trying to set me up with one of his frat brothers or something to that effect at some kegger he's throwing next weekend. Katie, I'll make sure to share all the painfully emarassing details of my inevitable failure to connect with another human being with you. It should be fun, if only because there will be large quantities of free alcohol and a Hartmann who I'm sure will be very drunk and willing to provide enough material to make fun of him with for the next month or so. Now if I may leave you with a quote from K. Sandra Fuhr: "Yeah, I have no idea why most demons like virgins, sluts are the best thing ever." (http://friendlyhostility.com/d/20060301.html)

Current mood: energetic

Sunday, February 26, 2006


I made these with the medieval image generator. Thanks Christina.

Also, loading these into photobucket made me realize how many hideously unflattering pictures of Hartmann I have. And the best part, they're free to the public to view. Just look for Instigator1984 on photobucket. Also also, if you're interested in making your own medieval pictures the site's at http://www.adgame-wonderland.de/type/bayeux.php. Now go forth and multiply my nerdy minions.

Current mood: lethargic


It smells like tuna in my bathroom. I'd ask my roommates why but I'm afraid of the possible answers.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

2:13PM - The Things You Learn About Yourself

While searching for self-realization in internet quizzes.

Michael Russo will have to write:

I will not be an inspiration to the Bush Administration

'What will you have to write on the chalk board?' at QuizGalaxy.com

You fit in with:

Your ideals mostly resemble that of a Humanist. Although you do not have a lot of faith, you are devoted to making this world better, in the short time that you have to live. Humanists do not generally believe in an afterlife, and therefore, are committed to making the world a better place for themselves and future generations.

0% scientific.
60% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

Current mood: nerdy

Navigate: (Previous 20 entries)